Welcome to the c word

I rarely show the world what is going on inside it is just not my style. I hide pain and constantly worry about worrying other people and how they will feel about how I am feeling. I keep my problems to myself and sometimes even from my closest friends. Well not this time.

I have been on the c word roller-coaster (I'm calling it the c word to go easy on the faint hearted) for over three weeks now and have decided it is a good idea to write down what's happened, happening and going to happen then whoever wants to keep up to date can without being forced to hear about it through emails from me. Because you will all have days where you just can't or don't want to hear about this. I get that it’s ok.

I hope not but you also might meet people or know people who go through something similar and it might just help them in some way to know they are not alone and when they fall apart it is ok because who wouldn’t. When you read this please forgive grammar and spelling etc I have not slept for three days and sorry too if it is up and down that is pretty much how I am doing most days.

- Tuesday 23rd February 2010

Wednesday, 10 March 2010


I have had a really nice day mainly thanks to Laura and then Agata keeping me company. : ). Too tired to write, will do a longer one tomorrow.


  1. The Bricksblog

    I first time I read it, I cried.

    It was a cry born of frustration, anger, dread and the injustice of it all, but other things as well, such as more love than you could get into the Albert Hall and a humbling admiration for this frail little creature standing full square to the universe; beaten but not defeated, with a growing magnificent unquenchable spark of defiance.

    Thoughts drift in and out, memories, shades of childhood; a boat on the Wye, cycle lessons in the horse field, Hastings ice rink, an English dog, an Italian cat, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John,the most untidy room on the planet, the Bluebell Line, tears at the Grand ........ but, beyond this and above all else, laughter........deep wonderful redeeming laughter, too many times to count.

    Thank you, my Bricks, for all this and much, much more.

  2. Dad. That is so so beautiful, Thank you x