Welcome to the c word

I rarely show the world what is going on inside it is just not my style. I hide pain and constantly worry about worrying other people and how they will feel about how I am feeling. I keep my problems to myself and sometimes even from my closest friends. Well not this time.

I have been on the c word roller-coaster (I'm calling it the c word to go easy on the faint hearted) for over three weeks now and have decided it is a good idea to write down what's happened, happening and going to happen then whoever wants to keep up to date can without being forced to hear about it through emails from me. Because you will all have days where you just can't or don't want to hear about this. I get that it’s ok.

I hope not but you also might meet people or know people who go through something similar and it might just help them in some way to know they are not alone and when they fall apart it is ok because who wouldn’t. When you read this please forgive grammar and spelling etc I have not slept for three days and sorry too if it is up and down that is pretty much how I am doing most days.

- Tuesday 23rd February 2010

Monday, 26 April 2010

Tamoxiemoxie Bring it on

Dear Tamox,

Pah I laugh in the face of your side effects. You think you can take me down with your hot flushes in mid summer, we'll see about that. You give me hot flushes I will give you the Phil Lazarou ice cream emporium. 


Ok we need to get this in perspective. Breast cancer care are brilliant. 
Most common side effects are hot flushes and nausea, although every woman is affected to a different degree so it is impossible to predict. But I will tell you now hot menopausal flushes in mid summer at the age of 31 will be met with resistance in the form of ice cream. Chocolate or toffee Thorntons ice creams if of course I am within the vicinity of a reputable vender. If not I have a secret addiction to Mars Ice creams even though I don't like Mars bars and I love Twisters yum.
When she ran over the other most common side effects with no mention of loss of sex drive so perhaps not one that is reported back often, Oh and the weight gain well I know I will be busy and active again soon enough. It is a tough thing to be told so young that you will take something that will affect your personal life so heavily but let's just hope it doesn't.

You probably think with all this cake etc that I must be at least shopping in Evans by now but I am not there yet I am yes a little rounder in places mainly due to the inability to exercise for so long but still resemble the old me. 

I feel better after at least hearing from someone who is not just speculating or trying to say something to ease my mind. The knowledge that I may be able to take this pill and not have it totally obstruct my life for five years is really welcome. The doctors and information advice sheets never paint the prettiest picture, I suppose they are so so concerned about being sued that they frighten you silly. I won't know till I start taking it so I am going to take one later today, it takes a good week and a half for the side effects to kick in so start now and soon we will know. (Gulp).

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