Welcome to the c word

I rarely show the world what is going on inside it is just not my style. I hide pain and constantly worry about worrying other people and how they will feel about how I am feeling. I keep my problems to myself and sometimes even from my closest friends. Well not this time.

I have been on the c word roller-coaster (I'm calling it the c word to go easy on the faint hearted) for over three weeks now and have decided it is a good idea to write down what's happened, happening and going to happen then whoever wants to keep up to date can without being forced to hear about it through emails from me. Because you will all have days where you just can't or don't want to hear about this. I get that it’s ok.

I hope not but you also might meet people or know people who go through something similar and it might just help them in some way to know they are not alone and when they fall apart it is ok because who wouldn’t. When you read this please forgive grammar and spelling etc I have not slept for three days and sorry too if it is up and down that is pretty much how I am doing most days.

- Tuesday 23rd February 2010

Monday, 12 April 2010

Story so far

So just to get this straight thought it might help anyone new coming along to join the journey...

31st January 2010 - Found lump (gulp)
1st February - Doctor checked nah don't worry let's pop you off for screening.
10th February - Screening day, 4 hours of waiting and tests and mammograms and a needle biopsy or two. Yikes.
19th February - Got letter accidentally letting me know I had cancer, nice one doc, (Saturday morning) two day wait to speak to someone. Worst weekend ever.
21st February - Got referred to The Royal Marsden in London saw Brighton Macmillan nurse for part diagnosis sent home for another night of worry.
22nd February - Got full diagnosis from Brighton clinic consultant - 2cm cancer in right boob I would be looking at chemo definitely then radiotherapy but surgery first.
3rd March - went for second opinion at The Royal Marsden London Surgery booked 23rd March no offer for treatment until they have results.
18th March - Called up to London for an urgent ultrasound.
19th March - Saw fertility expert 15 floors up in an ante natal unit to be told chemo may bring on menopause. nice thanks for that.
22nd March - Injected with radiation - no super powers.
23rd March - Day surgery on breast and armpit. Ouch. Let out of hospital late pm.
1st April - Post operation check, they found cancer traces in the glands, maybe more surgery...chemo still possible.
9th April - Surgery booked in for following Tuesday to remove glands.
13th April Surgery in Sutton on armpit (Axilla) will be in for up to five days. Results expected ten days later in London.

So quickly about me today - I have that weird breathless feeling again I had almost forgotten how that felt. I am tired and obviously apprehensive, feel like life may change as from tomorrow. I am off to Eastbourne to get something to wear in hospital and to not be alone if I am honest. Eek.

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