Welcome to the c word

I rarely show the world what is going on inside it is just not my style. I hide pain and constantly worry about worrying other people and how they will feel about how I am feeling. I keep my problems to myself and sometimes even from my closest friends. Well not this time.

I have been on the c word roller-coaster (I'm calling it the c word to go easy on the faint hearted) for over three weeks now and have decided it is a good idea to write down what's happened, happening and going to happen then whoever wants to keep up to date can without being forced to hear about it through emails from me. Because you will all have days where you just can't or don't want to hear about this. I get that it’s ok.

I hope not but you also might meet people or know people who go through something similar and it might just help them in some way to know they are not alone and when they fall apart it is ok because who wouldn’t. When you read this please forgive grammar and spelling etc I have not slept for three days and sorry too if it is up and down that is pretty much how I am doing most days.

- Tuesday 23rd February 2010

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Nothing much to report

There is not a lot to tell you which is a good thing surely. I am totally convinced that the results for the surgery will be fine as I think I heal very well and relatively fast from this kind of thing. On Friday they will tell me if the tissue 'clearance' they removed from my armpit had any traces of cancer and as the surgeon with 20 something years experience said it would be highly abnormal (watch out for that I may well have added the highly in myself) for there to be any traces then I think that it is pretty darn certain there is/was none in there. If there is well oh dear expect fall out from that.

and how am I feeling? well fine really. I can't feel most of my arm it's not nice but not totally unbearable more just uncomfortable. I am loosening more everyday with the exercises and general movement. Not on painkillers today yet whoop. Pretty good huh.

So next...well I go for 12.15pm on Friday and listen to what they have to say. I then reckon they will tell me I need to speak to an oncologist about the possibility of chemotherapy, side effects and pros and cons and then the decision essentially is up to me. (Gulp).

Meanwhile I sit in intermittent gentle sunlight, paint brush in hand after editing my favourite half written novel, music on in the background and well wishes flowing in from all corners of the earth and it keeps me sane. Thanks.

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