Welcome to the c word

I rarely show the world what is going on inside it is just not my style. I hide pain and constantly worry about worrying other people and how they will feel about how I am feeling. I keep my problems to myself and sometimes even from my closest friends. Well not this time.

I have been on the c word roller-coaster (I'm calling it the c word to go easy on the faint hearted) for over three weeks now and have decided it is a good idea to write down what's happened, happening and going to happen then whoever wants to keep up to date can without being forced to hear about it through emails from me. Because you will all have days where you just can't or don't want to hear about this. I get that it’s ok.

I hope not but you also might meet people or know people who go through something similar and it might just help them in some way to know they are not alone and when they fall apart it is ok because who wouldn’t. When you read this please forgive grammar and spelling etc I have not slept for three days and sorry too if it is up and down that is pretty much how I am doing most days.

- Tuesday 23rd February 2010

Thursday 15 April 2010

come down

So the fun painkillers have worn off now and the come down has kicked in. I am tired, desperate to fully wash, uncomfortable, bored, hungry, sore and quite done with stories of every ailment a persons life can be inflicted by. Sorry to moan but I think it is fair to claim that cancer hospitals are the most depressing place...and I am in a room full of Cameron supporters.

So after I was injected with radiation I hoped for a super power, finally success I think I have turned invisible. The nurse promised pain killers at 8.30am but didn't notice me again until I rematerialised at the desk in the late afternoon.

They don't like sleep here apparently people with cancer don't need it. So whispering at night is banned. Night staff are generally encouraged to make as much noise as possible especially, I believe the rule is, when they are next to my bed.

Forget dignity and privacy they don't live here anymore.
Enough I want out. Nurse said not tomorrow. Maybe not next day either. Shit.
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