Welcome to the c word

I rarely show the world what is going on inside it is just not my style. I hide pain and constantly worry about worrying other people and how they will feel about how I am feeling. I keep my problems to myself and sometimes even from my closest friends. Well not this time.

I have been on the c word roller-coaster (I'm calling it the c word to go easy on the faint hearted) for over three weeks now and have decided it is a good idea to write down what's happened, happening and going to happen then whoever wants to keep up to date can without being forced to hear about it through emails from me. Because you will all have days where you just can't or don't want to hear about this. I get that it’s ok.

I hope not but you also might meet people or know people who go through something similar and it might just help them in some way to know they are not alone and when they fall apart it is ok because who wouldn’t. When you read this please forgive grammar and spelling etc I have not slept for three days and sorry too if it is up and down that is pretty much how I am doing most days.

- Tuesday 23rd February 2010

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

What is the point?

Reuben, the existential philosopher at the age of 10, asked in a rage at life and himself this morning "What is the point?". Well it made me think.
Last night when I had my first show of potential side effects from the pills I take (nausea and headaches) I sat watching 3 consecutive episodes of a programme where 6 privileged consumer driven British teenagers are sent to live like coffee plantation workers, sapphire miners or leather tanning workers. The documentary, that has a strong point to make but is cleverly using the popular reality television route to make it appealing, gives the opportunity for everyone to see that life is hell for other people out there and it is important to acknowledge it and try to resolve it. I know there is and has been tons of documentaries on this topic of fair trade but this one is targeted and feeds directly into the minds of the general population and hopefully will make them sit up and listen.

It is so easy for us all to continue leading our lives without a second thought to those beneath us whom we are crushing with our everyday actions. I say beneath us not because for any reason in the world they should be but because they are economical, developmentally behind, retarded and disabled by us while we continue to walk over them like they are not there. They are not even on the ladder we have climbed and possibly never will be.

There are countless people out there everyday working till they can't physically stand to earn enough to barely cover a small amount of food and shelter, if they are lucky to be able to work at all. Economic slavery is as or if not more cruel, brutal and hard to overthrow than the slave trade that diminished about 150 years ago that now draws out disgust and outrage. Sadly we are so deep in this system it is almost impossible to see an efficient way out.
So what is the point?

These incredibly inspiring communities of people find a reason to get up everyday to find work to find food just to find work again. They live in what quite easily could pass for a horror film set. There is no country bike rides, no realistically accessible education, no cream cakes from the patisserie, no restaurants, no shopping, no ikea, no summer beach picnics, no Sky HD, no cocktails, no parties,  no time to enjoy the garden, no going for a drive to country pub for lunch, no swimming pools, no theatres or cinemas, no light- no reason- no purpose- no point. But they still find something to live for, and if they are lucky someone to live for. We, on the other side of the rather murky pond of denial, complain at every given opportunity and there is no limit to our discontentment.

So today instead of feeling guilty and then just dismissing the above information because it's all too much to take in I feel lucky to be here and so appreciative of what I have. The point for me is that in another time or another country I might have died but here there is an 80/90% chance of survival. The point is for me is I have time and a little money to enjoy what and who I have around me, which is more than I no doubt need to get by. The point is for me is I have someone to hold when hurts and always will. The point is for me that my cat is circling me like a cuddle vulture around sofa and there are people who never will or have had a pet of their own. The point for me is the world is a wonderful, beautiful, amazing place that we, as the privileged ones, get to fully embrace and explore for longer lives.

And yet most of us spend those longer lives completely missing the point.

The programme from the bbc...
Some charities worth exploring...
http://www.microloanfoundation.org.uk/What-we-do/How_we_work.aspx Microloans - support people to help themselves with thorough planning and looking at the bigger long term picture.
http://www.communityopportunity.co.uk/ - A project hosted by Sussex University Students for orphans in Malawi.


  1. Hey, sorry to hear about the side effects kicking in. If it is any consolation, I've just started my chemotherapy, so I have you have all the empathy I can give you.

    Kick its arse, Sarah. Make another sufferer proud.


  2. Same to you Jym.

    Best of luck for chemo genuinely hope it goes easy on you.

    Thoughts with you.