Welcome to the c word

I rarely show the world what is going on inside it is just not my style. I hide pain and constantly worry about worrying other people and how they will feel about how I am feeling. I keep my problems to myself and sometimes even from my closest friends. Well not this time.

I have been on the c word roller-coaster (I'm calling it the c word to go easy on the faint hearted) for over three weeks now and have decided it is a good idea to write down what's happened, happening and going to happen then whoever wants to keep up to date can without being forced to hear about it through emails from me. Because you will all have days where you just can't or don't want to hear about this. I get that it’s ok.

I hope not but you also might meet people or know people who go through something similar and it might just help them in some way to know they are not alone and when they fall apart it is ok because who wouldn’t. When you read this please forgive grammar and spelling etc I have not slept for three days and sorry too if it is up and down that is pretty much how I am doing most days.

- Tuesday 23rd February 2010

Saturday, 8 May 2010

It's been a while

Hey there,

Sorry it's been a while but there was nothing much to write and I didn't want to bore you stupid with fun details of my non life right now. This last week has been mainly filled with apprehension for what side effects are going to kick in over the next couple of weeks as from hmm now onwards and an absolute certainty that I never want to be a housewife, ever.

Nearly done one whole week on tamoximoxie and no side effects BUT they said clearly there is no chance you would get any for at least one to one and a half weeks if not longer so easy there with the whoop whoops, not just yet. I am truly hoping I get away lightly and I cannot tell you what a massively huge weight off my mind it will be. I have not heard about rads but apparently, so we were told yesterday when we checked, it may still be another couple of weeks till I hear and then of course there is the normal NHS waiting list and all that. So no idea when this will be over and I can't plan or book anything to look forward which is a shit really because I so desperately want something to look forward to. Oh piss. I am bored with this whole cancer thing now, I bet you are too.

I am feeling not up not down just stuck in the middle waiting waiting for life to start up again, come on.

1 comment:

  1. Odd, isn't it. We spend all this time being scared of cancer. Then we you get it, it just gets boring and annoying.