Welcome to the c word

I rarely show the world what is going on inside it is just not my style. I hide pain and constantly worry about worrying other people and how they will feel about how I am feeling. I keep my problems to myself and sometimes even from my closest friends. Well not this time.

I have been on the c word roller-coaster (I'm calling it the c word to go easy on the faint hearted) for over three weeks now and have decided it is a good idea to write down what's happened, happening and going to happen then whoever wants to keep up to date can without being forced to hear about it through emails from me. Because you will all have days where you just can't or don't want to hear about this. I get that it’s ok.

I hope not but you also might meet people or know people who go through something similar and it might just help them in some way to know they are not alone and when they fall apart it is ok because who wouldn’t. When you read this please forgive grammar and spelling etc I have not slept for three days and sorry too if it is up and down that is pretty much how I am doing most days.

- Tuesday 23rd February 2010

Monday 17 May 2010

Our wonderful welfare state

Sorry to moan but I am at the limits of my frustration and feel like a volcano ready to erupt.
Concise version - The Student Loans Company want their petty amount of money back for the last payment last term which I am using to pay rent, bills and buy food. The government won't pay a penny to support a full time student. I want to go back to university in October but need to pay rent in summer during daily treatment. No one is going to employ me in a tight job market when I cannot commit whatsoever and am recovering from surgery. How am I supposed to live?

The only way to get any financial support is to withdraw from university completely or become a heroin addict. How ridiculously stupid is it that if I want to hope I can return to university I get penalised by the university system and the government welfare system. I paid taxes and have never claimed a penny and there are no doubt people out there who get money and don't damn well deserve it.

I have no clue what to do. Parents of young people with cancer in education have fought this battle for years and a lot of their children died in debt and frustrated. They are going to support students with cancer by law...in October 2010. WTF do I do this summer with no money and no choices.
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