Welcome to the c word

I rarely show the world what is going on inside it is just not my style. I hide pain and constantly worry about worrying other people and how they will feel about how I am feeling. I keep my problems to myself and sometimes even from my closest friends. Well not this time.

I have been on the c word roller-coaster (I'm calling it the c word to go easy on the faint hearted) for over three weeks now and have decided it is a good idea to write down what's happened, happening and going to happen then whoever wants to keep up to date can without being forced to hear about it through emails from me. Because you will all have days where you just can't or don't want to hear about this. I get that it’s ok.

I hope not but you also might meet people or know people who go through something similar and it might just help them in some way to know they are not alone and when they fall apart it is ok because who wouldn’t. When you read this please forgive grammar and spelling etc I have not slept for three days and sorry too if it is up and down that is pretty much how I am doing most days.

- Tuesday 23rd February 2010

Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Too much time on my hands

Not a lot to say really. No not glowing yet, no super powers. Just very tired and have a bit of red skin colour, swelling and an itchy feeling but nothing major. As they said there will not be strong side effects for a couple of weeks. Me inside? Well I am little low today, too much time alone to think. I really would like access to a car now to get about and get back to see the boys, Phil and of course my little Monty shadow who I miss the most and unfortunately I seem to be a little unlucky at the mo with that. Should be mobile any day now hopefully.

Sending love xxx

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