Welcome to the c word

I rarely show the world what is going on inside it is just not my style. I hide pain and constantly worry about worrying other people and how they will feel about how I am feeling. I keep my problems to myself and sometimes even from my closest friends. Well not this time.

I have been on the c word roller-coaster (I'm calling it the c word to go easy on the faint hearted) for over three weeks now and have decided it is a good idea to write down what's happened, happening and going to happen then whoever wants to keep up to date can without being forced to hear about it through emails from me. Because you will all have days where you just can't or don't want to hear about this. I get that it’s ok.

I hope not but you also might meet people or know people who go through something similar and it might just help them in some way to know they are not alone and when they fall apart it is ok because who wouldn’t. When you read this please forgive grammar and spelling etc I have not slept for three days and sorry too if it is up and down that is pretty much how I am doing most days.

- Tuesday 23rd February 2010

Tuesday 8 June 2010

Tattoos tomorrow

So even if I try to convince myself I am not worried about tomorrow my body begs to differ, my stomach is in knots again similar to the first few months of diagnosis, but I keep telling myself it will be over soon and I have only to get through this last stretch. There is also this naughty little part of my brain that occasionally throws up the idea that it might come back and I will have to do it all again and chemo too. I suppose that is quite natural really.

I am also apprehensive about this business of laying still with my arm up in a sling thing for up to two hours and being tattooed in two places with indian ink, I get a feeling this visit will be the worse one in some ways. It will be over soon, it will be over soon. Gulp.

I am fine though I hope you all are too xx
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