Welcome to the c word

I rarely show the world what is going on inside it is just not my style. I hide pain and constantly worry about worrying other people and how they will feel about how I am feeling. I keep my problems to myself and sometimes even from my closest friends. Well not this time.

I have been on the c word roller-coaster (I'm calling it the c word to go easy on the faint hearted) for over three weeks now and have decided it is a good idea to write down what's happened, happening and going to happen then whoever wants to keep up to date can without being forced to hear about it through emails from me. Because you will all have days where you just can't or don't want to hear about this. I get that it’s ok.

I hope not but you also might meet people or know people who go through something similar and it might just help them in some way to know they are not alone and when they fall apart it is ok because who wouldn’t. When you read this please forgive grammar and spelling etc I have not slept for three days and sorry too if it is up and down that is pretty much how I am doing most days.

- Tuesday 23rd February 2010

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

2 more sleeps

So I would be lying if I said I was not apprehensive, of course I am. Yet I think what is bothering me the most is the the idea of a whole month every weekday same procedure...up, shower, put on E45 cream, wear cotton, hardly any deodorant, - you have to, remember gown, head out to hospital, sit in waiting room for ages, go in undress, zap zap zap, out, Oh it's only 10am now what? So I am trying to get a little car to run me around and keep me entertained through sort of the last bit of this ordeal. I say sort of because of course it is not over until I get the old 5 year all clear which I presume starts from the end of radiotherapy. Every 3 months, go check the boobs and hope.

But I am fine really I am, bored but fine. : ) Hope you are too xxx

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