Welcome to the c word

I rarely show the world what is going on inside it is just not my style. I hide pain and constantly worry about worrying other people and how they will feel about how I am feeling. I keep my problems to myself and sometimes even from my closest friends. Well not this time.

I have been on the c word roller-coaster (I'm calling it the c word to go easy on the faint hearted) for over three weeks now and have decided it is a good idea to write down what's happened, happening and going to happen then whoever wants to keep up to date can without being forced to hear about it through emails from me. Because you will all have days where you just can't or don't want to hear about this. I get that it’s ok.

I hope not but you also might meet people or know people who go through something similar and it might just help them in some way to know they are not alone and when they fall apart it is ok because who wouldn’t. When you read this please forgive grammar and spelling etc I have not slept for three days and sorry too if it is up and down that is pretty much how I am doing most days.

- Tuesday 23rd February 2010

Thursday, 22 July 2010

The end is in sight

So I have had all my radiation therapy and now I wait and watch as the it remains working in my system for two weeks ish reeking havoc with my skin and then at long last it's recovery time and healing and the end...sort of.
I went to London today for a check up and all is as expected nothing unusual so no news is good news and they are happy to assist with issues I have from side effects to these damn hormone tablets.
I have to go every 3 months for the next year and then it slows down to 6 months for the following year and then again to annually after that so not half as bad as I had been told. In one to two months I will have signs as to whether I have a reaction in my lungs to the rads, as the radiation can kind of burn them leaving you with a sort of chest infection type reaction. Here is hoping I am experiencing the last of the effects from this evil stuff.
As for how I am well I would gently warn you as someone did me that once it's all over and settling down you have no appointments to focus on as the next one is far away, and all of a sudden the experience catches up with you and you gain the magnitude of it all in clear light of day. It's overwhelming but just part of the journey and sometimes you feel the most tired when you arrive where you have been trying so hard to get to.

The unnerving part of having cancer is when it's all over you have this sneaking suspicion it's not.

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