Welcome to the c word

I rarely show the world what is going on inside it is just not my style. I hide pain and constantly worry about worrying other people and how they will feel about how I am feeling. I keep my problems to myself and sometimes even from my closest friends. Well not this time.

I have been on the c word roller-coaster (I'm calling it the c word to go easy on the faint hearted) for over three weeks now and have decided it is a good idea to write down what's happened, happening and going to happen then whoever wants to keep up to date can without being forced to hear about it through emails from me. Because you will all have days where you just can't or don't want to hear about this. I get that it’s ok.

I hope not but you also might meet people or know people who go through something similar and it might just help them in some way to know they are not alone and when they fall apart it is ok because who wouldn’t. When you read this please forgive grammar and spelling etc I have not slept for three days and sorry too if it is up and down that is pretty much how I am doing most days.

- Tuesday 23rd February 2010

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

4 doses left to go

Sorry I have dropped off with the blog but I suppose I am bored with my own complaining and I am sure you are too.

Well 4 doses to go. Burnt skin, no bra allowed, red, itchy, painful, tiring but it's all bearable and I feel so close to the end it is hardly bothering me now. I am too tired for words mind, this is mainly due to Reuben having a stint of major behavioural problems that I now feel drained inside and out and his timing generally sucks, this occasion being no exception. Give me a months rest and I would be willing to take on the worse behaved 11 year old in the world but right now nope I have no energy and it is becoming very hard work for both me and especially Phil who is left to cope when I go to Brighton to rest. So I am pushing myself too far this week and driving back and forth every day to help Phil deal with his temporarily explosive child in the vague hope something's gotta give and we need it to be his stubbornness before our sanity. Just need a break, if anyone finds that pause button we all dream of let me know please.

Holiday in France 19th August oooh so that is 35 sleeps right. Just over 4 weeks and we can do nothing but think about where our next crepe is coming from.

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