Welcome to the c word

I rarely show the world what is going on inside it is just not my style. I hide pain and constantly worry about worrying other people and how they will feel about how I am feeling. I keep my problems to myself and sometimes even from my closest friends. Well not this time.

I have been on the c word roller-coaster (I'm calling it the c word to go easy on the faint hearted) for over three weeks now and have decided it is a good idea to write down what's happened, happening and going to happen then whoever wants to keep up to date can without being forced to hear about it through emails from me. Because you will all have days where you just can't or don't want to hear about this. I get that it’s ok.

I hope not but you also might meet people or know people who go through something similar and it might just help them in some way to know they are not alone and when they fall apart it is ok because who wouldn’t. When you read this please forgive grammar and spelling etc I have not slept for three days and sorry too if it is up and down that is pretty much how I am doing most days.

- Tuesday 23rd February 2010

Thursday 25 February 2010

3rd March 2010 Appointment

Got the call from the Royal Marsden in London and I am going there instead to see some specialist about my diagnosis on March 3rd 10am. The secretary called and told me that the earliest appointment he could give first off was 17th March, I nearly threw up, and then calmly pleaded for an earlier appointment or cancellation if one comes up. After a few minutes of him explaining that 'my timing' was unfortunate and the specialist is away next week so therefore there is nothing he could do, he then say oops actually the department already booked you in it seems for 3rd March at 10am sorry about that. Could have done without that today thanks.


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